My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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