Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my being single is dangerous.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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