you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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