I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
