I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
