I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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