East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
