Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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