I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
