Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
