Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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