Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
