So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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