Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
