i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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