I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
