Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
