Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize