I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
