Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Where is the hickey?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
