i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
