I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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