shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
