moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
