well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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