So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
