The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
