i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
