im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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