Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
