Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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