I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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