It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
