At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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