Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
