How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
