Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
