Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
