Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
