he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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