Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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