I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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