We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
