So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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