We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
