just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
