I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My hand turned me down
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
