I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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