If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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