I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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