his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We left an ass print on the piano.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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