these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
