I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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