I just saw a hot homeless man
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
