If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
