I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
