Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
