At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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