i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
