I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
