So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
