Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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