The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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