Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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